I am at a loss for words as to what to say to anyone, including myself regarding the Holidays in 2020. Usually we talk about preparing for this time of year and spending it being grateful for all that we have. Sometimes we take the time to reflect on all the year gave to us and we get ready to ring in the new year. We are very often stressing out over making big holiday plans, buying more than what we need and preparing foods for feasts. We are usually busy planning trips to see loved ones, or breaking out cots, and sleeping bags to have enough spaces for guests to sleep. We are usually frenzied with holiday parties, school functions for our kids and grandkids and we work on spreading good will and cheer to all those around us.
Not this year. We aren’t supposed to be spreading anything, to anyone this year. Pandemic has become ‘the’ word of 2020. We have been under nine months of major global changes. Nine months of the obliteration of intimate connections, family functions, weddings, graduations, birthdays and even funerals. (I say F*(^&K THIS! Should be ’THE WORDs” to sum up this year..but..tomato, toMAHto.)
This time of year, I am usually reminding all of you (and myself) to NOT burn out, or to go overboard with spending money and planning the holidays to be perfect. I am usually NOT listening to my own ‘advice’ and frankly, neither are any of you. We had all fallen into the ‘#Holidaybullshit. We all look for ways to DESTRESS ourselves and find ‘power’ from within to do the holidays in a way that was right by our inner soul while in TRUTH, we were still YES, I’m overwhelmed but I’m still going to follow the expectations that have been passed down onto me for generations because G-d forbid it doesn’t all look and feel like the Holidays’ behavior. We end up being, and doing everything for everyone, including ourselves. I WANT things nice for the holidays. And yet I don’t want to have to be the person to DO it all. And yet, if I DON’T, will it all get done ‘right’?!
Sounds familiar? Yah. I know. #Holidays
Usually, we are all focusing on our gratitude for what we do have (and I DO firmly believe and know this to be a critical and important Spiritual practice to focus on, what is good. I DO know there is something always to be grateful FOR.). Yet this year, ugh. Things are quieter. Things are so different. There’s no hustle and bustle happening. Suddenly I’m realizing all that I cannot do. I miss not being ABLE to go see my dad and family out west. (Even though I haven’t ever gone out there for Thanksgiving in my 44 years of life!) This year, I WANT to. I want to be with family and have fun, TOGETHER. My mind flips to what is ‘going wrong’. I find myself focusing on what and who I am missing, what I can’t do and where I can’t go.
This year we could absolutely say how grateful we are for all the technology that has kept us together in SOME capacity (Zoom, FaceTime, etc!), and I AM super grateful for them. If we didn’t Have Zoom, I wouldn’t be able to teach classes or do group mediation every week, all of which have become stabilizers in my OWN life. SO, thank YOU for joining in on those! If it weren’t for technology, I wouldn’t be able to physically SEE my 19-year old son who moved across the country to bright, sunny California on September 12th of this year. If it weren’t for technology, I wouldn’t be able to share my online galleries with my father, also in California. It provides us with some level of connection and I am sure we are ALL grateful for it. But sigh!
But man, nine months into this pandemic, I’m feeling the effects of it. I am a ’natural quarantiner’. (I just made up that title.) I have always loved to be home and not have to engage in many social events. People find that so surprising about me because my work, and my LIFE is all about PEOPLE. But that is my work self and I LOVE being with people in that capacity. But as an Intuitive, I dread it in a social setting. I have never liked parties, or large group events. I hate being the center of attention in social groups, and I detest sitting among a group of people ‘just for the sake of saying I was social’. I never found it fun or soul enriching. I’m an introvert who loves to read, observe and think. I love ‘checking’ in on my own thoughts and feelings and scrutinize them. I only like social settings where I am learning about someone or something. I only like feeling productive. Otherwise, I feel I am pulling in on everyone else’s emotions or dealing with my own feelings of insecurities and wishing I was ‘home’ reading, LOL! I guess I also don’t like having to follow ‘boring social norms’. As a kid, I was taught to be ‘appropriate’, which is a GOOD thing and I taught my son’s the same thing. But damn it, in today’s world, what IS CONSIDERED appropriate?
I definitely have “COVID fatigue”.
IF you have made it this far into my ‘Holiday Spirits’ message, thank you. Because this is the part where I, hopefully share some perspective on you, NOW. Literally this very second as you read these words, my intention is to get you out of your messy mind and into the present moment. The RIGHT NOW moment is the ONLY moment that will bring us lasting peace.
This year a dear mom I know, endured the reality of having her 15-year old daughter, Emma, pass away after a long battle with cancer. Before Emma died, when she found out she had to undergo chemo and all that goes along with that horror, sad to know she would be away from her friends and baby brother, she would lose her hair, AGAIN…she would feel sick AGAIN, etc., she asked her mother….
“Haven’t I learned all I need to learn?”
She passed away two days later.
Yes. Absolutely, positively YES, she learned, as a human, ALL she needed to learn. Her inner wisdom surpassed anything this earth could teach her and so her body died. Now, her energy matches the energy of The Universe. Big bright, limitless, constantly expanding, pure.
How is THIS my ‘holiday message’ to life and enrich your life?? Where is the ‘holiday cheer’ and messages of LIGHT and love? Well, they are what you find INSIDE you, after you ask yourself, “Haven’t I learned all I need to learn?”
I, in my introverted, natural quarantiner-self, I cannot stop thinking about this statement, “Haven’t I learned all I need to learn?” Wow! These words have stopped me every day in reflection. It gets me every time I hear it in my ‘minds’ voice. ‘Haven’t I learned all I need to learn?”
Clearly, I have not. I am still physically existing on the planet. And if you are reading this, so are you.
Nine months into this pandemic, we, here on earth, clearly haven’t learned it all, yet. We still have human stuff to figure out. We still have some adversity ahead of us. We still have goals to attain, and life to wake up to. We still have disappointments to endure, heartbreak and human stuff. We aren’t wise enough yet. We still believe in limitations, separation and are concerned about our small part of the earth. If we are still here in the physical, we have some more stuff to learn. And so, this year, for the Holidays, because of this…remain humble. You, me, we…don’t have to figure ANYTHING out. We don’t have to KNOW it all. We are learning. We are in the process of being Human, and with that, comes a lot of junky stuff.
What HAVE I learned?
I have so far learned that in life we have two choices. To focus only on the junk, or to focus on any teeny tiny moment that outshines the blah. I have learned that life is precious. Life is here. Life is in the NOW. The mental noise in my mind, is just noise. My ’to do’ list, is JUST a list. The holidays are just those days to be with whomever I can and spend them, however I wish. Some stress is a choice and today, guide your mind to the RIGHT THIS MOMENT – NOW. I have learned that when I am in the NOW, I can connect with anyone, anywhere. Those who are physically with me, those across the country and those who have crossed over. It’s all right here, In the NOW. I still have more to learn…
What have YOU learned?
I hope the holidays bring you the present of Presence. I hope you have learned enough to allow yourself to BE, right here. Right now. Just be.
I wish you a sincerely loving and connected Holiday season.