Ok, so the truth behind THIS message is that I’ve written and REWRITTEN my Annual Holiday ‘cheer’ message six times now. SIX!!
Every year I write a message to sum up the year and prepare you for a new year. Every year I want to be inspiring. I want to give you all something to think about. I want to spark something within you that connects you with your True Nature. Your Higher Self. I want to make you think outside the box and expand your awareness.
I had some pretty cool thoughts and I wrote about them and expanded on them…and the more I wrote, the less CONNECTED to the words I became. I loved the philosophy behind them all. And yet, it all felt ‘empty’. I felt like I was trying too hard. I was trying to make you feel something. Trying to ‘help you’. Maybe I was trying to make myself feel connected to my own ‘advice’ but, truth is, I wasn’t. I was feeling annoyed that the sugary sweet common bullshit of ‘Happy Holiday!” Get ready for a New year! A new you!, message that we so often hear right about now. I didn’t feel like talking about ‘appreciate who and what you have’, because I know YOU do. I don’t need to remind you of this. Ugh!! It feels AGGRAVATING to hear it over and over, Right? YOU ALREADY KNOW all of that!
I even tried to write about Covid, and quarantine and the closing of this year. And how are you doing to bid adieu to 2020? I tried to express a poignant message about every new beginning is an old beginning’s end…and all that jazz.
But I felt TIRED writing it. I think we are all TIRED of the messages of what we need to DO. And how to think. And behave. I think, collectively, we are BURNT OUT.
And you know what as I wrote about all the expected Holiday / End of year ‘lets’ get ‘em Tiger pseudo motivation, I realized…YOU all already KNOW all that shit already. You really do. You have heard it all ten thousand times. I ‘know’ all of you already. YOU ARE THE GRATEFUL, THOUGHTFUL bunch.
YOU are the thinkers. The feelers. The Healers the ‘change makers’ and the ‘outside the box-ers.” YOU ARE THE DAMN SPIRITUAL DO-ERS!!!
I don’t want to ‘preach to the choir because I DON’T have to. I don’t want to just SAY it because it’s expected. I don’t want to try to force myself to feel…well, anything. Because then it feels FORCED and inauthentic and just like a bunch of spiritual cr*p. It feels as if I’m telling you to do more of it, which means you aren’t doing ENOUGH of it.
But that’s the problem, I KNOW you are doing MORE than ENOUGH thinking and feeling. I know you are assessing this past year and trying to extrapolate meaning and purpose from it. I know you are thinking of ways to help yourself so you can be better equipped to help others.
I know you are, because I am. I also know that it gets old and exhausting to constantly feel like you have to ‘learn’ and be inspired and inspiring. You already are. Trust me.
And the more I dug deep to find an authentic and inspiring message for you, the irony is that after this past year, I don’t really KNOW how I am feeling. I didn’t know what to SAY to you.
I AM happy, content, grateful, etc., I know that all for sure. But I’m also unsure of what is ‘next for me’ or how I need to go about my next steps. I know and deeply appreciate all I have and yet, I don’t know what I ‘want’. What direction do I want to go in. While I’ve been shown what is important to me this year, I’m now not sure what to DO with it. SO, I continue to remain ‘right here, right now.’ Even though, I’m still not used to that. I’m BEING right now. And it’s weird. It feels empty, but also quiet. It feels boring and yet sooooo nice. It feels ‘blah’ and yet so rejuvenating. It feels SO foreign to me, to NOT KNOW what is ‘next’. To not have a sense of direction, purpose and a method of finding meaning.
I do have intermittent thoughts, ideas and even creative ‘highs’ where I feel I’m finally ‘onto something’ and I’m finding my ‘way’, only to get slowed down again. I don’t want to follow through on nearly anything that pops up in my mind, because well, no matter what I think of, it requires what feels like is a lot of DOING.
And it hit me. DOING more, was so 2020. Now we are moving into 2021. The year of BEING. The year of pleasant uncertainty. The year of “I don’t have a f*cking clue what is to come, but I’m going to remain ‘me’ through it all.”. I plan to wake up and resist the urge to DO. I plan to observe, notice, witness, laugh and shrug my shoulders more. I plan to say no more. No to doing things that I just don’t want to. I plan to acknowledge my feelings and desires. I plan to place all my energy to those who reciprocate and not ‘give myself away’ because it’s what I am supposed to do. I plan to honor the only soul I have control over. I plan to let go of incessant judgements of myself. I plan to show up and take risks. I plan to be silly and more ME. I plan to share the BEING that I am and not worry about how that is received. I plan to hold space for the authentic and blast through the false. I plan to really let me, be me. I plan to let go of the incessant feeling of expectations.
AND THAT is the most drastic end to end a year and the most dramatic beginning to a new year that I’ve ever had. And, it’s the most ‘doable’ New Year’s intentions that I’ve ever claimed as well. My ending and my beginning have to do with BEING. I am a Light. And I’m going to just let it BE.
For the first time in my history, allowing myself to BE is the greatest gift I’ve ever received, and the most-simple intention I’ve ever stated. No need to explain, justify, defend or DEFINE. Just Be.
And that, my friends, is my wish for all of you…
You are a Light. All YOU were ever meant to do, was BE it. Be a lamp lighter by truly connecting to what is true and real for you. Discover your innermost thoughts, and feelings. Embrace your goals. Step out of the restrictions you have mentally placed on yourself. It’s time to just be the light. Let go of allll the era clutter-y thoughts and just AHHHHHHHHH.
I wish you a very HAPPY, CONTENT BEING-FILLED EVERY DAY. NOT just this holiday season, and NOT just a productive and prosperous New Year. Instead, just a SIMPLE and TRUE NAMASTE – the light in me HONORS and sees the LIGHT in YOU.
That is all.